It is my birthday today. I sit in the garden enjoying the sun and write this post.
Presents? Yes, I got few, but still the biggest and most precious is my second life given by doctors, my husband, and my son. I am so thankful to doctors who saved me and they look after me since my diagnosis in 2015. Exactly 4 years ago, on my birthday day I had an appointment with oncologist and I started maintenance treatment. I got high tech medicine, parp inhibitor called Olaparib (Lynparza) which keeps cancer at the bay. It is a highly effective and expensive drug.
Beginning on Olaparib was hard, I had to get used to it, we had to adjust the dose twice but overall, I tolerate drug quite well now. Of course, I have aches, pains, anxiety, fatigue, back problems, skin problems etc. but I learnt how to deal with side effects and its nothing comparing my surgery, chemo, recurrence, and chemo again. Hospital is still my second home, every 4 weeks bloods test, every 3 months CT scan, plus MRI’s, mammograms, ultrasounds for breast screening. Olaparib is lowering white cells and when I started to take it (quite high dose) my white cells dropped to 0.2 which was extremely dangerous (level lower than 2.0 is a life threatening). Again, my oncologist reacted very quickly and saved my life again. I have spent 7 days isolated in hospital, attached to drips pumping antibiotics and antiviral drugs. No one could visit me for the first few days, doctors and nurses could only walk in fully covered with mask and gloves. Olaparib dose was reduces then again and since then my white cells level is stable. I need to be careful of course and avoid as much as I can situations when I can catch some infection, I am taking flu jabs regularly now and awaiting for Covid-19 vaccine. Recently I am struggling with horrible back pain between shoulder blades. MRI and X-Ray are clear, so we are trying to figure out what causes this pain. Physio seems not to help so now I am trying osteopath, next will be acupuncture. Fingers crossed osteopath will help as the pain is constant for last 7 months and I am getting tired of it and it has effect on my mental health and life. It also can be side effect of taking Olaparib for such a long time, but I hope it is not this.
How was my life for a last 4 years? Pretty good I have to say. Of course there will be always something we worry about, every new pain gives us heart attack, but we are trying to live normally and enjoy small things. On my 40th birthday in 2018, when I gained strength after recurrence and got used to maintenance treatment we went to Spain. It was amazing, it was actually our only second family holidays in 18 years! One day we had lovely breakfast, coffee and dessert on the pier and went swimming after that. Weather was amazing, water was warm, I felt so good and happy. Happy that I am there with my boys. All emotions came out and I burst with cry. After being strong for so long and fighting I just couldn’t keep it longer. I cried from happiness and from worry as well. I was only 40 and went trough a lot, I was wondering how much more time I have left and will I see more beautiful places like that. Summer 2018 and 2019 I have spent at my parent’s house in Poland. Had a good quality time with family and friends. Our parents were also visiting us quite often. We had a time to talk, play board games, do little trips around Dublin, watch movies together. We were planning to go for another holidays in 2019 but Covid 19 made it impossible.
Our son Szymek always wanted to have siblings and when he understood it is impossible we decided to have a pet. Smokey - our Devon Rex cat is more like baby to me and more like a brother to Szymek 😉 Smokey is a dog in cat skin and we love him very much. He is my joy, my therapy, my companion and its great to have him, especially now in Covid 19 time.
Covid 19 has changed everything. It’s upsetting especially for us, who lives “on borrowed” time. The places we won’t see, the people we won’t meet, the things we won’t do…Every day, week, months, year is a gift for us. I am very lucky that I’m still here. I met lots of brave, beautiful women who are fighting this disease and unfortunately I also lost few good friends from cancer.
So I don’t know how long Olaparib will work, I don’t know how long Covid 19 will keep us at home but I try enjoy every single day. I am hopping to get fully vaccinated soon so I could meet with parents again. My husband Tom is working from home since March last year, Szymek is in and out of school this year but we are good, healthy and we are together. I am taking one day at the time, eating healthy, walking, spending time with my boys. I am grateful I can sit now in beautiful sun and write. Tom sits next to me reading a book, Szymek is playing with Smokey. We are drinking a coffee and enjoying birthday cake. I think I also deserve a glass of prosecco later 😉
Cheers, hold on, be strong, fight hard and be good to yourself. Life with cancer is different, but its still a life and grab and keep it tight!
